Tracey was born 10/27/69
and entered into Heaven 7/15/2001
THE BEGINNING YEARS
Tracey was born on October 27, 1969. She arrived late in the afternoon and weighed in
at a healthy 6 pounds 8 ounces. That was the beginning of our journey together. and she
would grow to be the oldest of 3 children. She was bright, sweet, affectionate, and a
wonderful blessing. She was always naturally curious, and a talker from the time she was
6 months old. Tracey was the pride and joy of our lives, she loved warm baths, lots of
attention and playing hide and seek. Her longest and best friend was a teddy bear she
received her 1st Christmas, named Leo.
Leo traveled long and far with Tracey. He went to bed with her, and also to the movies.
He also was a well traveled Teddy Bear that went on many trips through out the United
States. Leo was a trusted friend and confidant through out Tracey’s life. Tracey scooted
at 9 months old and could talk and talk. She was a bright gifted child from the very beginning.
A CHILDHOOD FANTASY
As a small child she was a wonder. She loved to draw and paint, her pets were her
friends, she detested eating meat but loved her vegetables. She was a brunette with rich
warm brown hair, and tons of freckles. She preferred playing outside, was more interested
in playing football than dolls, and was curious about why things
worked the way they did.
Swimming was a passion, and fishing with Dad a great opportunity to share with him her
hopes and dreams for the future. A gifted student who never had an academic struggle in
her life, and a grandpa’s girl who liked to talk politics and debate her point of view on
just about any matter. Tracey enjoyed these things so much that in 7th grade she and
several of her class mates spent a week at the State House conducting a student
government week.
One summer she traveled to Flying G Girl Scout Camp for a 2 week stay riding horses and
discovering the out doors. She was richly blessed with experiences and travels in her
life. And where she went Leo went.
YOUTHFUL DREAMS
Learning to drive she discovered it was a bigger challenge than not to find out about how
a car operated. She loved football but her neighborhood chums of the masculine type grew
bigger and stronger than her, and after several tackles that they carried her across the
goal line, and a few minor bruises convinced her it was time to grow up to be a lady.
She was a fierce protector of her brother and sister, and she did not put up with any
guff from neighborhood bullies. Her first job was delivering morning papers
from the back of her Dad’s pick up truck. In time she would work at a fast food place
called Taco Bell.
Like all teens she went through a self-discovery phase where her identity seemed to be in
constant question with that of her friends opinion. She struggled with who she was,
because of her intelligence, and she sought acceptance from those who also had struggles
of their own.
MODERN MATURITY
When Tracey was 17 she became an unwed mom, dropped out of high school and married.
The relationship was stormy from the very beginning and was abusive.
She confided in me years later that she wished her Dad and I did not have such a loving
relationship because she thought that was the way all marriages were and she was so
disappointed hers was not. She admired love and sought it earnestly.
Over the years she became stricken with migraine headaches and bouts of depression. The
abuse at home became more difficult to bear. In 1995 she left her husband along with
her children and of course still traveling with Leo.
In 1996 she met and married her second husband, and while this relationship was not
physically violent there were emotional deficiencies involved. She struggled further
and further down. Her self concept became flawed and we struggled with anorexia and
bulimia as well. She became more and more depressed and burdened.
MENTAL ILLNESS
In 1997 Tracey had become so despondent and uncontrolled that she was placed in mental
AND THE LOSS OF A GIVING SPIRIT
health due to a suicide attempt. She had become entangled with drugs, and her life was
in total chaos. In July 1997 she was place in treatment for 6 weeks, she tried to regroup
but still the headaches, depression, and low self concept continued.
April of 1998 she and her husband split up and she plummeted to total despair.
She lost all hope, and became heavily involved in drugs. The lifestyle she had entered
became a system for her, and was her down fall.
We struggled everyday of our life between suicide threats, drug addiction, migraine
headaches and surreal encounters with a culture that was not only foreign but wreaked
of havoc and sadness. Profound sadness, and worry. Tracey continued the spiral out of
control lost some where in a world we neither knew or understood.
Trouble came, she found herself involved in legal trouble and living outside the
parameters of the law. We continued to search for help, to seek assistance for her, to
make her whole again. At this time we were then told by a doctor whom we had finally
gotten her to, that she was bi polar and needed to be in treatment and regulated
on proper medications. He informed us, our precious child could lead a normal life if she
could only kick the drug habit and regulate on permanent medication. At last we had
found hope, Tracey’s Hope, and we began seeking and investigating various treatments.
HELP AND RECOVERY
We found a doctor who was an expert in the field, got her into immediate treatment,
sought legal help for her and gradually she began to recover. She went through months
and months of treatment, urine tests, medications to medications, diets that help
bi polar patients, and ongoing counseling.
It was during this process she met and fell in love with her last and final relationship.
While she continued on the road to recovery and self growth, he was there for the show
of it all. She reformed her drug habit, began to take charge of her life, she began to
draw and paint, and the headaches began to subside. She gained weight, she smiled again,
and we were hopeful she would be able to again take control of her children,
whom I had taken custody of for their protection.
THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE
On July 15, 2001, Tracey awoke to a normal day. Her son had come to visit her at her
apartment for a weekend visit, and the day was bright and sunny. At about 9:30AM she
smelled “pot” drifting through her apartment, and went to investigate it. There was an
argument that ensued because she did not want it in the house or around her son.
At about that same time I had called her to tell her we would be coming to pick up
Ronnie her son, after church. She said to Krista my grand daughter “ I hope you get here
before this gets any worse.” Krista was concerned about it so we chose instead to head
to the apartment rather than go to church.
Her son was sent out side, and the argument escalated. Then it turned bad, when her
boyfriend roommate threw her 8 week old puppy against the wall in a fit of rage. She went
to defend the animal , and in the process the argument intensified. She ended up
stabbed in the chest.
Her boyfriend ran outside where he ran into my grandson and he told him not to go inside.
A neighbor who heard the altercation saw Tracey stagger to the steps of her apartment
pleading for help. She collapsed there and was hemorrhaging profusely.
She lost consciousness.
When we arrived there we discovered countless police vehicles and detectives, a yellow
taped area as a police zone, and a frantic little boy seeking his mom.
I took control of my grandson and then inquired of the police what was going on.
I was informed by them Tracey had been taken to a local hospital and was in very critical
condition. Needless to say I flew to the hospital only to be greeted by more detectives
and no news. She was in surgery, but there was little hope of saving her.
Tracey died at about 1:00P.M. and at that moment our lives forever changed.
Tracey’s death hurt us deeply, but as in any tragedy we begin to discover our purpose
and our legacy. In Tracey’s case it was the end of her natural life but the beginning
of Tracey’s Hope. And Leo became our symbol.
I hope you will join us now on this journey, by understanding her story and our cause.
Thank you for stopping by and won’t you please come in.
Linda and Jerry Fredrick - Parents
Krista Howard - Daughter
Ronnie Johnson - Son
from one bereaved Mom to Another,
as a volunteer for My Parents Are Survivors.
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